Balance
by Cow Mustard
Summary: All her life Raven has tried to come to terms with her Dark side. It appears she finally has a chance to succeed of she is willing to recieve help form a green friend. BBXRAE Rated M for language and adult situations. have you met teens that don't cus
1. Chapter 1

Balance

Morning is perhaps the most interesting time at the tower. Being in the presence of five superheroes is enough. Now think about these superheroes are barely awake and sometimes a little grumpy. Many morning battles have broken out among varying titan members. However, these wars are quickly quenched after breakfast and forgotten by noon. So is the life of a teenager.

Inside one of the Titan's room, we see life portrayed in a dark green. One is left to wonder the color of the floor design that lies beneath the impenetrable mess that seems to have taken control of the room. Only one thing moves in this apparent disaster area. Upon what appears to be a bed, large books and pizza boxes seem to be moving in an unending rise and fall pattern. Perhaps the mess has found a means to evolve respiratory abilities. This could be a breakthrough in the study of evolution and the beginning of life. Imagine if a mess could somehow become alive. A loud repetitive beeping of an alarm clock quickly interrupts this biologist's dream. The lump once thought to be breathing groans at the interruption hoping it will go away. However, the beeping continues almost in defiance of the lumps protest. One can see the lump shift. Through the clutter, a large gorilla arm comes smashing down viciously declaring victory over the mechanical alarm. The green gorilla arm slowly forms into that of a human. The titan known as BeastBoy rises from the garbage in a sight that could be compared to a phoenix rising from the ashes, only much dirtier.

The young man awakes to move to his mirror. A lot has happened in his span of service to the Teen Titans. BeastBoy's growth and maturity were stunted by the procedure that gave him his shape shifting powers. However, his incident with Adonis had jumpstarted his puberty. For the beginning years of the titans, Garfield Logan had remained a small wiry child who had green complexion. Only his animal states had any power. After the chemical treatment, BB started to change. He grew to a height that nearly rivaled Cyborg. Once the smallest member of the team, he now looked eye to eye with the powerhouse Cyborg and the rest of the team looked up to him. He has also grown in muscular strength. BB's shoulders have broadened a large deal and his green back now sported three faint black stripes. BB's face has also changed a great deal. He now sported longer hair and wild facial hair that only added to his animal like appearance. These new looks have been noticed by many of the females around BeastBoy. However, he has yet to see any appreciation from the one he cares for most.

'No time to get depressed, I need to get ready' he looks over to his once functional alarm clock, 'And by ANOTHER alarm clock.'

BeastBoy left his room in time to find Raven leaving her own. His heart skipped a beat as he approached the dark women.

"Morning sunshine," BeastBoy said sarcastically.

"Hi BB," Raven deadpanned.

Very few people had anything on the gothic young women. However, BB knew here like no other could. Ever since their beginning in the Teen Titans, BB has made it his personal mission in life to bring joy to the girl with such a sad life. It has been a losing battle so far. Yet every small victory that BeastBoy attained only made him try harder. Overtime he had come to actually be able to hold conversations with the dark lady that would last for long periods of time. BeastBoy remembered that his current record was 47 minutes and 21 seconds. He tactfully knew that the best time to get to Raven was when she first woke up. No matter how stoic Raven could become, she was still terrible uncoordinated when she first woke up. BeastBoy took advantage of this by continuing to escort her to breakfast every morning. It was early in the morning, before her defenses were fully awaken, when he could get a quick smile or grin to come across the Goth's lips. He knew somewhere inside that Raven enjoyed BeastBoy's company. At least he surely hoped so.

"So what are you up to today," BeastBoy questioned.

"I think I am going to read and relax for most of the day," Raven stated in a tone that was almost dry but was still a little groggy from sleep.

BeastBoy inwardly smiled at being able to witness another side of Raven's personality.

Raven risked a chance to glance over at the green titan walking with her. She mentally noted how different BeastBoy looked when he was not in his uniform. Right now he was wearing baggy pants and a black tank top. For a brief moment, her eyes started to study the muscle structure of BeastBoy's arms and chest. He had grown into a very impressive young man. He still carried that quick wit and happy go lucky attitude. However, he had developed a beast like countenance that gave him a more dangerous look. She knew he would never hurt his teammates though so the look never scared her. Somewhere one of her emotions mentioned that she liked it before Raven mentally hushed the emotion. She also had come to like the horizontal stripes appearing on BeastBoy's back. She thought it gave him an exotic and wild appearance. Again, she was starring at the changeling and mentally scolded herself again. She always had trouble first thing in the morning at controlling her emotions. It always seemed that she would find BB at this time as well. She had considered that this might not be a coincidence. However, she did not push the issue.

'Because you wouldn't change it if it was,' one of her emotions responded.

'It is too early for this discussion,' Raven mentally responded.

'Your loss,' the emotion said before disappearing. Raven mentally noted that her emotions had been acting funny. She decided to call a meeting later tonight to see what was wrong.

Her mind returned to her current company. It almost seemed right that he would wear such comfortable clothing due to his relaxed nature. She enjoyed the conversations that she had with the energetic changeling. He never expected her to change like Starfire and Robin had constantly tried to do. She understood that the two were worried about her. This worry only doubled when the two finally became a couple and took on a role of counselors to everyone else. Raven inwardly chuckled at the time Robin had tried to take on a fatherly role and tell Raven that her attitude would keep pushing people away and she risked ending up alone. Raven of course wrote this off. She could not allow herself to get to close to anyone; her powers could endanger her and the ones she cared for. However, there was a moment of worry.

Raven wondered if BeastBoy would ever tire of his quest to make her laugh. Internally she sighed. He never tried to change her. He only tried to include her and comfort her. He never asked for anything in return. Never cared how much she verbally pushed him away. She felt bad that her dry comments were often used to fend off BB's caring humor. She had begun to genuinely care about the large beast that stood next to her. She cared for all of her teammates. They had given her the one thing she had longed for since her conception. She had found a place where she belonged and was cared about. However, she knew she could only get so close. She could never allow herself to open fully for fear of her powers taking over. This stood double for the one titan that tried so hard to bring her happiness. She just wished that someday she could thank him for all he has done for her.

They had approached the door separating the kitchen from the common room that also contained the kitchen. BeastBoy quickly devised a plan to lighten the dark titan's mood. He ran ahead of Raven to grasp the door and open it. He stood beside it in a formal bow.

"After you my lady," BB said in a terrible faked British accent.

Raven stood there for a second looking at the goofy titan. She could see him recoil waiting for her to say something hurtful to push him further away.

'Do you truly fear me' Raven thought sorrowfully. 'I am so sorry BeastBoy, but I could never open up to you. But I can grant you a brief victory.'

"Thank you Sir," Raven replied with just the smallest of grins.

BeastBoy was stunned. Had she just played along with the joke? DID SHE JUST SMILE……..at me? BeastBoy was happy beyond belief.

'Maybe today is my lucky day,' BeastBoy wondered.

"Are you going to stand there all day or do you plan to eat?" Robin asked snapping BB out of his trance.

"Yeah, I am coming." BB answered.


	2. The only constant is change

Balance

Chap 2

The Only Thing That Is Constant Is Change.

I do not own the Titans so please do not sue me. 

Thanks to the reviewers.

Orange; good idea! This chapter is all for you bud.

Fantasy Ob. You got it. This story might take awhile though for everything I want to do with it.

BeastWithin. I hear ya bud. Say, how much to buy one of those BBxRae lighters! They make to good of a couple!

On with the adventure.

BeastBoy took his seat at the table and looked up to meet his fellow titans. Cyborg was busy stuffing his face with a variety of meats. BeastBoy cringed at his carnivore teammate. His love for meat had always scared BB due to being every animal Cyborg was now ingesting. I used to walk around in animal form often when I first joined the titans. After a few early morning meetings with the hungry half robot half teen, BB quickly started to stay in human form. Starfire was busy battling her multicolored breakfast. Star's home planet was a place of interesting customs. Perhaps their most famous was their dietary habit. Raven was having her usual morning herbal tea alongside of a muffin. She usually ate with her eyes closed. She was slowly beginning to build her mental defenses for the day. It hurts to see her focus so much to feel so little. However, BeastBoy always took these moments of the day to steal a few glances at the gothic beauty. The last one he glanced at was Robin. He was the only person to eat a 'normal' breakfast. He had some eggs and biscuits to compliment the newspaper that he read every morning.

Well, we call him Robin but that was not his real name anymore. He has since turned into Nightwing. He had grown tall enough to match the hyperactive alien who also sat at the table. His hair had grown long enough to touch his shoulders. 'Nightwing' kept it neatly combed back in an obvious contradiction to the messy hairstyle he had as Robin. He had grown to be a well filled out young man. He did not have the bulk of either Cyborg or BeastBoy, yet he obviously showed signs of a well-honed physique. One that Starfire had frequently stopped to gaze at. His suit was now primarily black with a few white and silver highlights. He still donned the mask that has been his signature for years. In short, Robin has grown into a fine young man.

These changes were obviously noticed by the young alien lady. Although she had obviously aged into beauty, Starfire was still hyperactive and naive. She still held a wonder in her eyes about everything that surrounded her. I think that is just the way she is and always will be, BeastBoy thought. I am happy about that though. She helps to add to the cheer among the titans. Her bubbly attitude had slowly grown into a steady affection for all her teammates. Interestingly, Star has grown close to the other female of the group. Star and Rae were far apart on the mental perspective. However, the two had slowly began to rub off on each other.. Her body however, has obviously changed. She had not grown much taller. Instead, she had filled out her once lanky figure with subtle curves. Her legs had become more defined through her training and aging that was for sure BeastBoy thought. He had to be careful how far he thought though. Her boyfriend was not only one of his closest friends, but an obsessive compulsive who enjoyed practicing kung fu a little too much. He looked back to his fearless leader to catch him looking at another development of Star's. No one could deny that the young alien had grown into an impressive young women. Her chest was no exception. The now fuller chest of Starfire's has captured Robin's eyes like flypaper catching a fly. BeastBoy let out a small cough. His interruption achieved his desired effect. Robin looked at BeastBoy and realized he had been staring. The boy wonder's cheeks reddened and with a serious snort returned to his paper.

'Even Robin has his pervert moments,' BB mentally laughed.

Cyborg has also changed. His upgrades over time had created a sleeker and much more effective titan. He was not as blocky as the original Cyborg. He could actually pass as a large young man if he wore the correct clothing. Even his headpiece had been sleeked down and could be hidden under a cap. Cyborg has also grown a small beard. The new facial hair added to the wisdom that lay behind the remaining eye of the titan. Cyborg has grown to be a bit of the farther figure for the group. He still was given to young outbursts and nights of endless gaming. However, there was also a solemn and calculating gaze that all the titans turned to often for elder brother advice.

'Cyborg is like everyone's older brother,' BB thought. 'Even Raven goes to talk to him at difficult times. I wish she would come to me sometimes.'

Raven has not changed to drastically. She still remained the same height and filled in her earlier curves nicely. She still wore the same blue leotard and hood. However, she has been able to open up more as time has gone by. The titan's victory over Trigon has allowed Raven to see that she could control her powers. She even began to experiment with allowing her self to be more emotional. Yet, there was so much more. Every move she makes fascinates me. Every smile I earn is a victory of the utmost importance. In very rare moments, I can see the women she could be if it was not for her powers. I always feel so helpless when it comes to what she has sacrificed for the sake of others. I wish I could do something, anything. I guess I will just continue my quest to bring a smile to her lips for now.

'Yet, it still seems that she withholds herself from me more then anyone else,' BB thought. 'Does she truly find me so uninteresting?'

Breakfast was now done leaving the titans to go about morning activity as usual. Robin went to the gym to immediately begin his daily training. Starfire accompanied him as usual.

'Daily training my ass,' BeastBoy thought as the two titans walked off in a close embrace.

Cyborg had already left to update his baby, aka the T car. Cyborg's obsession with that car was well known by the entirety of the whole team. Yet, everyone had to admit. If it were not for Cyborg's meticulous mechanical genus, the titans would probably not be here right now. That leaves………….

"Hey Rae, guess you are going to go read now." BeastBoy half-stated half questioned.

"Actually, the weather is really nice right now," Rae continued, "I think I might go for a walk."

Rae could almost feel hope pulse from his body. Inside she laughed at the genuine simplicity of her fellow titan. After the defeat of Trigon, Raven had been able to grasp her power better. This allowed her to slowly open up to all the titans but one. There was something about the green man in front of her that caused a great doubt and fear in Raven. At first, Rae just wrote it off as a difference of personalities. The feelings have only grown stronger as time has passed. She looked up to the face of BB. When their eyes met, she felt a brief flash of mixed emotions. Joy, peace, pain, doubt and something else flashed across the Goth's mind. She knew it was going to hurt the changeling to tell him not to come with her. However, she could not chance hurting anyone until she had some time alone to meditate.

"Sorry BeastBoy. I need sometime alone," Raven deadpanned.

Raven nearly sighed when she saw BB's face fall. It hurt her so much to do this to him, to constantly push him away. His continued attempts to make her happy ravaged her mental defenses like none other. Sometimes she wondered if he did it on purpose just to make her squirm. Yet hidden somewhere deep in her being, she silently prayed that he would never stop trying.

"I understand," BB sadly stated.

Why did he have to use that voice? He has no idea how much that voice tore her soul. All he wants is to make her happy. Yet she continually denies him. She wondered if he hated her for it. That thought caused a great swell of sadness that took all of Raven's control so not to start shattering the tower. Mentally she promised that when she sorted this out, she would start spending more time with the green changeling.

'We are going to hold you to that,' came the reply of a number of her internal emotions.

'OK, I need to clear my head now or I am going to lose it,' Raven mentally gasped.

"Thank you for understanding BB. Maybe another time," Raven nearly face faulted at her own words. 'I just meant to say thanks, not give him a rain check.'

'I thought I would add it!' stated the obvious internal voice of happiness.

"Alright, well I will be waiting for that other time," BB said obviously overjoyed by her rain check.

Raven looked at the now cheerful eyes of BB. She felt a great happiness at making BB happy. Yet there was something else there. Raven knew that she needed to have a talk with her mind immediately. Yet she chose to take in the joy of BeastBoy for just a second later. She gave BB a small smile then left.

'See I did good,' happiness stated.

'Don't try get out of this,' Raven said.

Meanwhile back at the dining room table. BeastBoy was doing a victory dance. That was the second smile just this day.

"This is so my day!" BeastBoy shouted.


	3. Internal Debate

Balance 3

Internal Debate

For the reviewers

I do not own the Teen Titan so please do not sue me. 

Orange, I still need tot do a better physical description of BB. I wanted to do it this chapter but I kinda was carried away with other ideas. Expect a physical description next chapter from the eyes of a certain young lady.

FantasyOB, here you go. Sorry it took so long.

LOL, thank you, and I will.

Purplecomet(It took me several times to write your name :P), thank you so much. I hope to keep a good quality while still updating frequently.

BeastWithin, Where's My Lighter:P Just kidding. Thanks for the review!

Raven had been walking for some time in the area around the tower that held a garden. She enjoyed waling in this small garden when the weather was nice. She needed it especially today. Her ability to control her emotions was slipping due to a certain green comrade. Why was BeastBoy's presence causing such uproar in her mental defenses? Every time she saw the man, it caused a certain fear in her. The fear was accompanied with a sense of joy and something else she could not yet define. Rae mentally noted to ask about this emotion when she held a conference with her emotions. BB was not a bad guy. For all the sarcasm and hurtful remarks, he has stayed his course to be her friend. That thought once again was accompanied with a twinge of guilt. Perhaps that guilt bothers me the most. Unlike rage's head on assault, guilt had a way to stealthily destroy her defenses and manifest itself in her powers. Why does BB cause me guilt? I have been able to keep all the other titans at a safe distance without any remorse for my actions.

Raven sighed at the enigma that was BeastBoy. He had always been the happy go lucky member of the titans. He did however have several emotional scars that she knew of. Some she had seen personally. The battle with Adonis, his arguments with Robin, and the biggest one about Terra all weighed on the now grown changeling. At the mental mention of that traitors name Raven recoiled. Anger and jealousy struck in Raven's emotions. The anger she could manage. She had been tricked by Slade as many of the other titans have been. Yet the jealousy she could never grasp. She always thought it was how easily Terra had befriended the entirety of the titans, especially BeastBoy. The mental image of those two together always elicited a mental hiss from Raven's mind.

Yet, BeastBoy has overcome. He was heartbroken by Terra. The damage dealt to his mind by the Adonis incident was another huge hit to the green young man. Raven smiled at the thought that he had survived that and kept his cheerful personality.

'However, he has evolved,' Raven stated to herself.

The old BeastBoy was a clown at all times. Whether it would be a battle for the universe or a battle for food, he always had a joke at the ready. The new BeastBoy was much fiercer. He still had the humorous remarks. Yet, his nature in battle had become more primal. Cyborg had run some scans and found that the Adonis incident had allowed BB to access more of his animal side. During fights, the young man acted like a brutal warrior. He still used his animal forms in clever ways. However, he would also fight viscously from both his 'human' form and 'true beast' form. He had named the creature he turned into after the Adonis incident the 'true beast'. That form was the representation of all of BB's rage.

Of course, BB would not allow that rage to take him over. His first course of action was to learn kickboxing through the resident martial art nut. BB was surprisingly very dedicated to what Robin taught him. Raven thought that this helped bridge the gap between the most serious and the most nonserious members of the titans. She could remember the two going at it for long hours at a time sparring, drilling, and focusing.

"I don't think he will admit it yet, but I think BB is getting to be a close challenge for Robin," Raven mentioned aloud.

However, the score was the two had become very close as sparring partners. BB still needed more help though. This was something Raven was more then willing to help with. She taught BeastBoy basic breathing exercises and meditation. She figured that BB would fluff of this knowledge. Yet much to her pleasure, she would occasionally catch the green young man engaging in the mental exercises she had prescribed. He had once told Raven that this form was very powerful. However, its power came at a price of his control. Every time he took the form of the true beast, he risked losing his self-control. Raven had often seen BeastBoy practicing to be able to guide the beast in its' actions. Yet, Raven could see that the beast was always acting upon BB. She would sometimes feel as if a new person has entered the room. Upon inspection, she would see BB focusing on some internal battle. He never mentioned it to her but he had seen her concerned looks and knew she was aware of what was happening. It was at this time that the green young man had first approached the goth for advice on meditation.

'Part boy, part man, and part beast,' Raven pondered, 'how am I ever going to figure him out?'

This is why Raven ordered her emotions to a conference to discuss the weird emotions she had been having and how BeastBoy figured into them. Raven found a nice spot in the lawn and focused her energies. Through her training Raven had reached a point where she no longer needed her mirror to travel into a physical manifestation of her mind. This was a relief on two points. She was no longer dependent on outside things to help her deal with internal emotions. The second was that her fellow titans could not find their way to her inner emotions. She chanted her phrases and began the mental journey.

Raven arrived in a field of Nevermore. She opened her eyes to look at the small circle created by her emotions. Knowledge must have instructed them all to be here. The emotion in question stepped forward with a slight smile hidden behind large glasses.

"Hello Raven," Knowledge greeted.

"Hi, I guess you all know why we are here," Raven stated.

"We have been feeling strong emotional disturbances," Knowledge said.

"Yes and a lot of it seems to involve BeastBoy," Raven mentioned.

"YAY for BB!" Happiness made herself known.

Raven stared dispassionately at the hyperactive image of herself. Happiness had been acting up a lot these days.

"Happiness, why did you interrupt into my conversation with BeastBoy?" Raven questioned.

"Because you were making him sad, and that made you sad. So I decided to cheer you both up!" Happiness stated in one long breath. Raven began to see a similarity between her emotion and the Tamaranian.

"You know better then to interrupt," Raven scolded.

"Well you were to chicken to say anything," Bravery now stood forward into the conversation "We could all feel that you wanted to say something so Happy did it for you."

"Fine, fine… However, here is my question. Why do I have this weird feeling of guilt whenever I push BB away?" Raven asked with a puzzled voice.

"Maybe you feel bad about it," Sarcasm mentioned.

"No shi…(breathes)…. Ok I can understand that. But, why?" Raven countered.

"Well there are a lot of reasons. However, there is one main thing you have yet to grasp," Knowledge mentioned.

"What is that?" Raven sincerely asked.

"Raven, If I told you now you would never believe it," Knowledge sighed.

"OK, what kind of cryptic crap is this? Just tell me," Raven's voice was now starting to show a bit more agitation.

"Rae," Knowledge started with a soothing voice, "We can not tell you everything, and you know that. Yet, I can tell you that many of us emotions have been changing recently. The majority of that change is due to BeastBoy. These changes are not bad and they will not threaten your powers or friends. However, if you do find the answer and try to deny it, you will risk losing control of your powers. If you run from this problem you will never be able to heal the injury you will cause to yourself."

Raven asked, "So what am I supposed to do?"

"My best advice would be to spend some time with BeastBoy and try to find the answers on your own," Knowledge said with a caring voice.

Raven looked to the wise emotion in front of her. She knew that Knowledge had no desire to steer her in a wrong direction. She also knew that knowledge was the unofficial leader of her emotions. They all knew what was going on with Raven. Yet, not one of them would betray Knowledge's plans. Raven would have to go with this one.

"OK, I will spend more time with BeastBoy." Raven stated.

The young goth waved farewell to her internal counterparts before leaving to return to reality.

"Why are we not supposed to tell Raven what has happened," Happiness asked in a voice of innocence.

"She would snap our necks then chain us all up so we could never move or speak again," Knowledge stated plainly.

"Oh yea…" Happiness drawled with closed eyes.

"Besides which, she is too stubborn to believe anything she does not find herself," Knowledge added.

"I sure hope it works out though," Happiness stated with big eyes.

"I think we all do," Knowledge related as all the other emotions nodded their heads with agreement.


	4. Hmmmmm

Balance 4

Hmmm

I do not own the Teen Titans so please do not sue me 

Reviewers Moment

BrokenNevermore: Thank you for the compliment. I am sorry it took me so long to update. I try to have some humor in each chapter. Though this chap is a bit dry except for Cyborg's concern of blowing up at the end. For the lighter you need to talk to BeastWithin. I will tell you though, you have to earn it.

PyroFlame: The chapter updates might be a bit slow until late August. I hope not to lose anyone's interest.

BeastWithin: I am a part of a cult now, AWESOME. I shall always guard the lighter!

StormScarred: I hope to do some original stuff with the emotions. I see the same thing in every story. Mine is starting the same way but I plan to take a large change eventually. By the way, I am a huge Vincent fan and I love your story Door Beyond Absolution!

Orange: Sorry I did not get to the description in this chapter either. It will be a big part of the next chapter though!

Bring on the fiction!

Raven touched down in the garden she used for her mental exercise. She slowly allowed her senses to return to her after detaching herself from the physical world. She smelled the calming scent of nature. The T tower was far enough away from the city to allow it to keep an unpolluted smell. She was very thankful for this at the moment. Her battle for control had become quite taxing lately and she welcomed any reprieve she could get. She started to think of a plan to see what was going on. Knowledge had suggested that she should spend more time with the green member of the team. She thought hesitantly about it at first. Then she recalled how her attempts to distance herself from him had yet to be successful. In fact, they seemed to cause more problems.

She remembered the time he tried to give her a present on Valentines Day. He had stayed in his room for two days only coming out for the necessities prior to the holiday. Then V-day morning she was walking to breakfast to suddenly find the young man interrupting her path.

"Good morning Raven," BB said in a tone that betrayed his nervousness.

"Morning," Raven replied coolly.

"So ummm, today is Valentines Day. So I uh thought I would give you a uh present, out of friendship of course," Raven was shocked that he could say so much on one breath.

He then held out a paper mache' rose. The gift was huge. The flower of the rose was large and very elaborate in its folding pattern. It was colored in a lithe but gorgeous purple with small silver highlights accentuating the paper. The stem was a dark green with beautifully designed curves. It was very nice Raven thought. She looked at the trinket in awe. She could not say a word to the green titan who had not yet grown because of the Adonis incident yet.

"I thought it would be cool to make it with the purple representing your personality and the green representing mine so you would remember our friendship whenever you looked at it," BeastBoy gushed.

She slowly stepped forward to receive her delicate gift. As she raised her hand to touch it she felt her ungloved hand touch the green skin of BeastBoy's hand. Her emotions ran wild. She could feel her mind fill with many unwelcome feelings. She became worried about her control. She could not accept this gift if it would cause her to lose control. In a moments notice she focused herself with a single breath.

"I have no need for trinkets BeastBoy," she immediately hated herself for saying it.

BeastBoy's face dropped immediately. His eyes lowered to the floor. He would not allow her to see the sorrow that was now evident in his eyes. He had worked so hard. It had taken him 37 failed tries to get this right and he had slept maybe three hours in the past two days. He just wanted her to be happy if only for a moment. He mumbled that he was sorry under his breath. He never looked back to Raven. He simply turned and briskly returned to his room. She watched it all in despair. She saw that BB dropped the rose on his path. The delicate flower slowly fell to the ground and hit the floor with a dull thud at the same time Raven heard the air system pressure lock BeastBoy's room. Both were so quiet. Yet, they were booming in Raven's mind.

"I am so sorry, so very sorry. Nevertheless, I can never share these emotions with you. I will never allow you to be in danger because of me, BeastBoy," all these words were barely a whisper in the silence left behind after the changeling's departure. It was then that ever rock in the tower harbor violently cracked into thousands of pieces.

Raven pulled herself from her memories. She mentally gauged that it had been two years since that day. It took about a week but BeastBoy returned to his efforts to bring cheer to her life. That was the longest time he needed to bounce back. She had worried that he would never speak to her again. She had many sleepless nights during that week until the morning that he tried a terrible knock-knock joke on her.

"Such a strange things friends are," Raven muttered to herself as she made a trip to the tower garage. She was slowly regaining control. She just wanted one more opinion though.

Cyborg was busy working on his baby. The large metallic teen was very meticulous in his design. Every square millimeter of the car was inspected and maximized for optimum performance. He was currently working on the undercarriage. He was faced with the common engineer's dilemma. He needed a frame support that was rugged enough to not deform from attack. He needed the frame to be flexible enough to adjust to its environment. All the while, he had to keep the expense of the parts at a minimum. His current thought was to use some from of alloy using the lattice structure that made up his own enhancements. All his thoughts were interrupted by a cold voice bidding a greeting to the titan who was currently underneath the car.

"Hey Rae, zup?" Cyborg stated while remaining under his baby.

"I thought I would see what you were doing," Raven stated.

Cyborg could hear the curiosity in her voice. Even though she was born from a demon and raised by monks, Raven would always be part tomboy. Cyborg remembered when he had to rebuild the car the first time. She had given him her assistance. At first, he thought she would have no idea what to do. Old stories of mages and dragons did not help much with transmissions and ride control systems. However, after a few basic explanations she immediately became a helpful tool in the rebuild. He remembered she took a special liking to working on the fluid systems. Cyborg hoped to get her input on his current situation.

"I am trying to tank up my girl. If I use the current metal I have to reinforce the base frame o the car will be stronger, however, it will be more susceptible to strain from the environment," Cyborg said while slowly sliding from beneath the car.

"Hmmm, maybe you could blend the metal," Raven knew of metal blending from her knowledge of spellbinding wizardry tools created from the mixing of elemental strengths of various metals. "Find something with a high ummm what do you call it?"

"Yield strength. I might just go that way. Then cross blend it with a strong tensile material," Cyborg was almost loss in his technical mind. However, he had one more question for the dark friend in front of him. "So what brings you here?"

"Can I not just visit?" Raven stated starting to bring up her defenses.

"Drop the act. You can always visit and you know it. I enjoy your hanging in her when I am working. However, you only enter into a deep technical conversation when you have something on your mind. What is going on in that dark head of yours?" Cyborg asked looking Raven square in the eye. She had grown to be something like a little sister to Cyborg. They picked at each other but in the end, he would be there to address anything that was bothering her.

"You know me to well," Raven stated with a faint smile hidden by her cloak. "I have been having issues with my mental control."

"Anything triggering these outbursts?" Cyborg questioned.

"I get these feeling around… one of our teammates," she stated still having difficulty in opening up to people.

"So BeastBoy is giving you mental difficulties," Cyborg stated.

"How did you know?" Raven asked slightly stunned.

"For being mostly robotic I am very good at reading people," Cyborg said with a caring smile. He had wiped the grease of his hands. He slowly approached her. "Rae girl, you and BB are very different. In fact, you two may be exact opposites," Cyborg now laid his hands on the young ladies small shoulders. He knew she was unused to touch, especially caring gestures. "It might just be difficult with him around for you to stay so unemotional."

Raven felt the two large, cold metallic hands on her shoulders. The feeling was a paradox. She could feel no warmth from Cyborg's physical hands; however, she was very capable of sensing the concern and hope emanating from his spirit. She looked up to Cyborg with just the slightest betrayal of sadness in her eyes, "I just want these feelings to go away," she said in a faint voice allowing Cyborg a small lok into the vunerable side of Raven.

Cyborg felt small strings pull out his heart as his friend who was so close to being a sister to him was near tears, "Well what methods have you tried so far?"

"I stay away from him. However, that never seems to help," Raven stated.

"Maybe it is time for a new approach then," Cy stated. "I think you should hang out with him more often. I don't think that these feelings are going to go away Rae. You may be able to change them into something less harmful and perhaps comforting though."

'See even Cy agrees with us' Knowledge whispered in Raven's mind.

"Perhaps you are right. Thanks Cy," Raven gave a small grin to the mechahuman titan.

"That's the way," Cyborg hugged her gambling he would survive or at least be able to repair himself in a few days should Rae's power go off.

"Thank you again, I need to find BeastBoy," Raven stated after returning the hug.

"He is down in the combative room working out," Cy told her. When he turned to see if she had heard she had already left. Cyborg knew that she had slowly learned to be able to return feelings. Another proof to this was the fact that Raven had just returned his hug without shattering every tool in the garage.

Cyborg knew about the touchy relationship between BB and Rae that started to develop after the Malchoir incident. He caught BB looking at Raven often. He had even talked to him about how he felt about her. Even then, BB held back. He was very nervous talking about how he felt. To his surprise though there were rare moments, very rare, that he would catch Raven taking prolonged glances at the green titan. Yet, the two seemed almost fated to never work out. He was a free willed animal and she was a stoic person of complete control.

Then again, Cyborg thought, it seemed like it would be hard to get star and robin together. However, I had a pivotal part in that. Maybe lightning could strike twice Cyborg muttered to himself before returning to his work.


	5. Damn Hormones

Balance

Chapter 5

I do not own Teen Titans. Please do not sue me. 

For the reviewers

Orange: Yea I can see that 4 was a bit of a filler. I am hoping to use it though to set the pace for some events in the future of this story. After seeing the episode where Rae helped Cy rebuild his car I always thought they would get along in some way.

StormScarred: I like the way they are to. And you are very welcome.

BrokenNevermore: Yea there may be some fluffy stuff. Not much though. BB seems to take a lot of crap from his teammates on the show. I hope to address that sometime in this fic.

FantasyObs: ZAPPP!

SxStrngSamurai13: It took me like five minutes just to spell your name right! Thank you. I agree. She seems very cultured but when it comes down to it times like when she decided to play stankball after malchoir or how she has no idea how to cook kinda point her in the direction of a tomboy.

BeastWithin: Death to all HEATHENS!

Warprince: No prob. 

Indome: You are scaring me buddy. Try not to do any damage.

Bring on the fiction!

Damn Hormones

Raven knew that both her emotions and Cyborg were right. It was just the stubborn side of her nature that kept her from believing them. However, they both made a good point. Her attempts at avoiding him have done nothing to help the situation. Time to change medicine Raven said to herself. Still this would be hard for her. Raven had spent so much time to calm her emotions. BB on the other hand abounded with them. At one time, this aroused Raven's anger. Her powers had come from her father. His base nature was that of rage and selfishness. When provoked her gentle nature was twisted into that of aggression. She hated her angry side, but there was nothing she could do about it. At least that was how it seemed. With the help of her friends, she had repelled Trigon. After his defeat, she no longer felt the large amounts of rage that once clouded her mind. She rationalized that he no longer influenced her in his absence. She was no longer prone to bouts of anger due to repressing other emotions. This allowed Raven to control her powers with greater ease. In addition, the event allowed her to open herself up to her beloved teammates. She was very cautious at first but overtime she found where her boundaries were.

Her trek to the combative room brought her closer to the sounds of snarls and impacts. She could not hear the lighter voice of the titan leader so she assumed that BeastBoy was training alone. She came to the glass side that allowed people to watch the fighting activities of the room without risk of injury. BeastBoy was squaring off vigorously with the heavy bag. The sight of him set Raven back. He was only wearing a pair of black training pants and runner shoes. She took in the changes that had occurred in the green young man. His emerald hair had grown long enough to reach to the bottom of his ears. He really did not keep it in any style. Instead, he let it flow freely into any position it wished. The mane as he now called it was cascading like a waterfall as its owner continued his battle with the bag. His eyes were still the same stunning emerald color they had always been. In those depths of green, his mischievous glance was still apparent even for his growing into a man. However, there was something darker in his eyes at the same time. The way he was currently looking at the bag showed a feral side to BB's personality. He was now much taller then what he once was. His body had also developed a more powerful physique. His shoulders were very broad creating a large platform that lead down to a trim midsection that clearly highlighted a well-trained abdominal core. His muscles were not bulky like the remaining ones Cyborg had. Instead, they were long muscles etched in a dark green skin. Another change to the young man's body was the development of three horizontal stripes on his back. The highest one was also the longest. It just barely showed when he was wearing a tank top. The other two were smaller then the first and slightly thinner. Raven liked the stripes. They added a dangerous look to the man and accentuated the developed body she was now observing closely. Her cheeks begin to redden slightly as she also observed how toned BeastBoy's legs and rear had become. She gazed at his midsection that showed a powerfully developed hip section with well-defined abs that disappeared tantalizingly in the waist of his pants. Raven's cheeks became a sudden shade of crimson that rivaled Robin's shirt color. Was she checking BeastBoy out?

'Damn straight you are, and we all like what we see,' Happiness mentioned to Raven. Her comments were echoed by the agreements of the other emotions present.

Raven mentally yelled at them to stop being stupid. She was still a young lady. She was just doing what all young women do she told herself. It could have been any of the other male members she reassured herself. She felt a sarcastic remark being mumbled by one of her emotions but she ignored it. Still though her eyes stayed trained on the beast in front of the bag. He was very sweet normally. However, since the Adonis incident he became more feral during battle. He tore into the bag repeatedly. Each move displaying the grace he learned from both Robin and his animal forms. Each hit showing the power of his large body. Raven continued to watch in awe. She could feel something heating up inside of her. Suddenly she moved into the room without really meaning to. Something told her to go to the wild titan. For what she did not know, but the feeling was so pleasant that she did not argue.

The smell of lavender entered into BB's mind. The scent was immediately recognized by his mind as belonging to only one person. With that association, came many pleasant memories, a few failed attempts at laughter, and most importantly, a comfort and joy to which BB was addicted. He did not have to turn to greet her.

"Hey Raven, come to beat the bags around," it was a sarcastic joke. Raven had rarely ever used this room and they both knew that. She practiced a form of martial arts that was taught to her by the monks of Azarath. The closest thing BB could use to compare it to was Tai Chi. She practiced it early in the morning on the roof of titan tower. He had walked up to the roof one morning when she was practicing. He saw her actions and realized that she was in deep concentration. He started to leave but there was something captivating about her movements. She was not wearing her usual cloak so her leotard clad figure was open to BeastBoy to appraise. Her grace from moving to block to attack only accentuated her curved figure. Every kick showed the grace and flexibility of well-toned legs. Every breath she took showed the powerful essence of her soul. BB knew that this was not cool staring at her when she didn't know he was there. He could not help himself though. She was beautiful. A person like her deserved to be adored he though. Moreover, I am the man to do it BB agreed with himself. Her lavender hair flowed with each movement like a silk curtain in a gentle breeze. Her eyes were large pools of deep purple. Everything about her was pulling at him. He wanted nothing more then to slowly unravel her mystery for the rest of his life. He could not deny that he thought Raven was physically the most beautiful thing that he had ever seen. However, there was something more. His attraction to her was not just physical like Terra and so many other girls. He was attracted to her very being. Something about her brought him so much comfort.

Raven was now within a few feet of BB. His scent was a musky one of sweat and his current deodorant. That smell was faint but appeasing to her. She also took a quick glance at BB's shirtless form at a much closer distance. Her eyes widened as she made out the lines of many scars covering his upper body. They were not openly apparent, as they had become a darker green that blended with his skin tone. There were too many to count. Many of them crossed each other in haphazard fashion. She was barely able to pull herself from the sight. BB was usually cloaked in his full body suit. She would rarely see him wearing a tank top. She had never seen him shirtless and had not known of these scars. Then it hit her, that one emotion she could not control. She felt hurt because BB had been hurt. She felt the pain he must have felt when he had received these scars. She knew that he had not been seriously injured since he had been with the titans. If he had, she would have been there when he was. Why has he never mentioned it? These were not just a few scars that guys show off to look hard to other guys. These were serious and purposeful injuries to numerous to count. She felt his look. He knew what she was looking at.

'Why did I have to take off my shirt,' BB cursed at himself. He had been in the titans for so long without anyone ever seeing his scars. Even Cy, his best friend had no clue. That was the way he wanted it. Well that hope is gone now he thought to himself.

"Sorry," BB muttered as he reached for his shirt and quickly put it on.

She could not think. What was there to say to this? "I am sorry for staring," Raven said looking down at the floor in order to escape his dark olive gaze.

"Hey, no lady can resist the beast body," BB said trying to muster up his usual humor. Somehow, he knew that no one was buying it.

Raven looked up to the now taller BeastBoy as if she wanted to say something. BB knew what she wanted to know about but could not yet talk about it so he quickly opened his mouth and fired the first thing on his mind.

"So what are you doing tonight?" He almost fell face first as he realized what that kind of question might imply.

Raven was still shocked by the numerous defacements of BB's body. His words snapped her out of it though. Her thoughts suddenly returned to the discussion with her emotions and Cyborg. 'Well no time like the present,' she thought.

"Nothing yet. How about you?" she blanched at her words. She was very wise about the world and people. However, she still lacked the social skills needed to ask BB to hangout. WAIT A MINUTE. I want to hang out with BB. I thought I just wanted to spend more time with him. What is going on in there she asked of her mind.

'I dunno,' replied an emotion. It was obviously feigning ignorance.

BB immediately picked up on the possibility that Raven was interested in hanging out. His mind immediately went into his prearranged plan should hell freeze over leaving BB in just this opportunity. He had meticulously planned different scenarios for this instant. She did not like crowds so something more intimate would be appropriate. She was a bit shy by nature so he had to make sure she did not feel uncomfortable in this personable setting. There tastes were quite different so the activity needed to be something that could allow themselves to both act naturally without any awkwardness. After months of detective work he though he had his perfect answer. At this moment, he hoped that he was not wrong because there was no going back now.

"Would you like do a picnic at the Jump city forest?" there he had maid the offer. It was all for the moment. She looked thoughtful for a second.

"Do I have to eat tofu?"

"No of coarse not. I will bring a kettle so we can experiment with slow cooked tea. You can pack anything else that you want to eat," BB had prepared this line for the tofu question that he had also predicted.

Raven looked into his hoping eyes. There was that rush of hope and sadness. There was still that lingering emotion that she could not put a finger on. She thought about it and it seemed perfect for both of them. The forest was quiet and isolated for her. It was also natural for him. This sounded like a really good idea. 'Not bad for a spur of the moment thought,' Raven thought not knowing the countless hours he spent thinking about it.

"Ok, when would you like to meet," shyness had taken over again and she looked down to her small boots.

"How bout we meet in the common room at 7?" BB was in heaven. He was so close to the thing he had planned for so long.

"Ok, see you then BeastBoy," Raven acknowledge. With that, she turned and walked to her room.

BB's eyes followed her every step. His breathing had not yet resumed from the event that just took place. He turned to leave for the shower thinking heavily. She just said yes to hanging out with me, ALONE. Could this mean that she did not really hate him? Could she even enjoy his company? These thoughts spun in BB's head as he walked face first into the wall a few steps over from the door.

"Hehe, maybe I should take a good cold shower," BB thought hoping to be able to think when he met Raven.


	6. Back in the saddle

Balance

Chap6

Back in the Saddle.

Okay.

So it has been 2 years. I hope I still can keep the same tone in a story that hasn't changed much and a writer who is changing all the time.

My current plan is to issue a new chapter once a week. Preferably on Saturday. However, I am going to be moving here soon enough so we will see what happens.

I own a PS2, not Teen Titans

So when we last left our overprotective goth and hyperactive changeling they had agreed upon hanging out. DUH DUH DUH….

Preparation was the one thing that was hardest for the now grown titan. By nature BeastBoy lived in the spur of the moment. Raven once said that he should be the definition of happy go lucky or at least a picture. The changeling immediately sought out a dictionary to figure out what Raven had just called him. He occasionally envied Raven's intelligence and how composed she could be in even the worst of situations. One such situation as finding BeastBoy in her room (by accident) searching for a dictionary. She asked why he needed it. BB was too ashamed to admit he did not know what happy go lucky meant so he made up some lame excuse about needing a prop for some project in his room. After BB looked up happy go lucky in a dictionary, he took her words as a compliment.

BB had learned to live with his personality. He had even grown to love it. He would often mock Robin about getting grey hairs from always being to serious or worried. He tried the joke on Cyborg but he just laughed it off his bald head. It was Cy that actually helped BB the most as far as his organizational skills. Cy once asked BB if he wanted a PDA installed on his communicator. BB remembers giving Cy the weirdest look. "Listen man, what you do with your machines is your own business. I don't want my communicator telling me it loves me out in public though." The only thing that saved BB's head from the sharp side of a wrench was Cy's love for his machines. Cy quickly dismissed that thought and it's relevance to BB's earlier comment. "Not Public Display of Affection you idiot, PDA stands for Personal Digital Assistant. Basically what will happen is that you can tell you communicator what you need to do when and it will remind you."

BB thought about that for a few seconds. 'Sounds like a mom to me,' BB internally joked. He quickly repressed his memories of his family before they turned his humor into pain.

"Yea sure Cy, it doesn't cost me anything does it?" replied the green titan.

"Nah, this one is on the house," replied the large "tin man".

Cyborg's assistance had been a great help. All the titans had made a few jokes about BB's talking into his radio about his life at first. However, after they started to see the improvements BB was making, the teasing soon stopped.

As BB slowly loaded his mostly tofu food into his picnic basket, he started to consider the titans which he lived with. They had all at one time or another teased, ignored, or isolated him for his behavior. He could not honestly say he did not deserve it at times. Still, he knew he would be here for them no matter what. Family like this is funny like that.

BB's thoughts once again turned to his teammate Raven. He obviously cared deeply for her. However, his care did not come without its pain. Raven had some serious emotional baggage. It took BB a long time; however, he no longer blamed her for that. Her past was just as screwed up as his own and she had her own burdens. It was just so sad that her burdens seemed so much heavier then anyone deserved.

"Well tonight we are going to have a goodtime, even if it kills me," BeastBoy roared passionately. In a much softer voice he finished his thoughts by saying, "maybe she will even laugh just a little. If nothing else, I just want her to be comfortable around me".

ELSEWHERE

Some women obsess themselves with purses. Others will mentally debate shoes in a manner that would humble Socrates. Many females will obsess over the ritual of make-up as Da Vinci and Michelangelo had over paint. Raven thankfully had been spared these trials as a child. However, she did have her favorite expressive means to ponder. And she pondered it with the same dedication as all the people mentioned above.

"Which teas shall I bring?" Raven wondered for he thousandth time.

She had decided on a raspberry one she had picked up from an Asian market a few weeks ago. The walnut tea from the hippy shop (conveinently place across from Starfires favorite store) was also high in the running.

Raven decided to pick some very basic tea blends. She remembered that BeastBoy had mentioned experimenting with the tea kettle. She was honestly interested. She rarely messed with tea blends in the house do to either the extreme and large carnivore or the spastic trigger happy mustard lover.

That is when it first hit Raven. She had initially feared the results of her decision to spend time with the beastly teammate. She worried that he would do something to irk her and bring out her powers. Yet at the moment, she was excited about the premise of being out in the park creating tea. She just hoped BeastBoy did not try to make her play tag or something else trivial.

"He always seems so happy and full of life," she whispered to herself.

Then came the sinking feeling that told her envy was acting on her current thoughts. She did not hate BeastBoy or the others for always being so happy. She honestly wished she could join them more.

"I just can't," she whispered again.

Maybe she could never embrace a full life like the others. Yet, this tower is the only place she ever felt a sense of belonging at. She would fight to the death to protect this place and the people she treasured inside.

"I can have this though," Raven said as she backed her tea for her outing with the Changeling.

She once again smiled at the thought that she was looking forward to seeing BeastBoy.


	7. A Day at the Park

Balance 7

A Day at the Park

Reviewers

Warprince-Here you go bud.

This one is a bit short. I had computer problems in the early part of the week. However, it is a good setup for the next few chaps. Like I said before, I am going to try to get a new chapter out every weekend.

Peace.

And now for the story about Teen Titans that I do not own. :)

A meeting is the combining of two separate things in one place at one time. In his case the two things were he and Raven, could they be any more separate he wondered. The place was the living quarters that both had used for various means throughout their careers as titans. The time was 7. He had seen a lot of seven o'clock in his time. He had seen Raven a thousand times since entering the titans. So why was he so worried about all these details so suddenly.

BB sat in the living quarters with an air of patience and slight indifference. However, he was a completely different story on the inside.

'Did she forget when we were meeting? Did I tell her the wrong place? Would she come even if she did remember?'

The man who now refers to himself as the Beast sat in his chair with a million worries about his companion running through his head. Luckily his agony of waiting is cut short by the soft sound of the tower's mechanical doors.

He knew it was her before he ever turned around. His transformation had given him slightly sharper senses then a normal human in what he referred to as his standard form. Her smell was always the same soft scent of lavender. BB quickly wondered if she chose the scent to accompany her usual apparel, as he stood to greet her.

Raven sees the waiting changeling in the tower living space and is once again impressed with his improving ability to be on time. He already has a large basket at his side and a playful grin on his face. One of his large hands reaches to his "mane" and slowly rubs through it as he says hey. Raven's lips turn into the slightest of smiles as she sees the same mannerisms displayed by the large titan who was once smaller then herself.

"I brought my teas and a book," Raven quietly spoke.

BB was taken slightly back by her comment. He was currently transfixed in his inner debate concerning the smallest shift in Raven's face around here mouth. BB did not know but another feature of his "special talents" lends itself to reading faces. Deep within the minds of predator or prey their are parts of the brain dedicated to detecting the shifts in facial muscles and the corresponding actions that may occur. In battle, this unknown skill had given BeastBoy a slight advantage in predicting even the most dedicated fighter such as Robin. In a more peaceful sense, it also allowed the changeling the skill to understand how people were feeling and act to make them feel better.

'I could have sworn she smiled just a little,' BB thought before walking as casually as possible toward the darker titan.

"Cool, how about I get that for you miss," BB said with a fake British accent and an over done bow.

Raven just shook her head at the green titan and allowed him to carry her small bag of teas. She knew that BB enjoyed helping people and allowed him this small victory in hopes that the two might make it through the evening without any quarrels. The two slowly made their way to the garage area of the tower. For once, Raven actually started the conversation.

"So where exactly are we going in the park?" She asked.

"I know a very peaceful place near a small stream. I was out hanging with some of my squirrel buddies when I stumbled upon it. It has your style written all over it Rae,'" BB replied hoping not to sound to involved but not to withdrawn. The key to tonight is being casual and relaxed he reminded himself for the billionth time.

Raven did not know which to concern herself more with. The idea that BeastBoy might have done something without thinking about himself or the fact that he had "squirrel buddies". However, she could not deny that she felt a particular satisfaction as a result of BeastBoy's actions. He had found a place that reminded him of her. He also wants to share this place with me. He could be a complete child, over energetic, complete fool and so many other things. However, BB always cared about people. She liked that in a person. Her eyes slightly widen as she can feel the mental threads of her last thought being connected to both happy and wisdom. Her emotions were plotting again. Raven decided to push that thought away for the moment and give BeastBoy a remark.

"Hmm, it does sound nice BeastBoy," Raven quietly replied. She thought about mentioning her distain for BeastBoy's nickname for her but she let it slide for now. She hoped to be flexible enough so that the two could enjoy each others company tonight.

"So how exactly do you suggest we travel to the park BeastBoy?" Raven questioned.

It was at this exact moment that BeastBoy opened the garage doors grandly to show a large dark green motorcycle in the center of the area. It was an older design that one would see at bars or parades. She thought the manufactures name was Horley or something like that. It had a lot of shiny parts and on the side board in dark purple lettering she read "THE BEAST". Raven looked back to the now grown titan and witnessed one of his largest grins. She mentally noted how she could see both sets of BeastBoy's fangs in the rare times that he smiles in a facial muscle defying manner.

'I hope this is a joke,' Raven sarcastically pondered.


End file.
